1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Does it have to be someone who is still alive? If not, I choose Puujee, a little Mongolian girl. I would make sure she ate well, make her laugh, and be her big sister.
If it has to be someone living, I would invite the most evil person in the world and poison him. (Yeah, I’m pretty sure the most evil person on earth is a dude.)
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Maybe. I would like to be famous as a writer or an actress. But I say random things all the time, so I would probably be a terrible celebrity.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
For professional calls, always. With friends, never.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
First, define “perfect.” I would define it as a day when I get to feel or express something I value deeply. So for me, telling someone I truly love that I love them, and having that love returned, would be a perfect day. I don’t even have to be happy to call it a ‘perfect’ day.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Every day in the shower, to myself.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
A 30-year-old body. A 90-year-old mind trapped in a 30-year-old body sounds hot; but a 30-year-old mind trapped in a 90-year-old body sounds sad. Don’t you think?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Lying in bed, holding hands with my husband. We die together with smiles on our faces. Our kids find us.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Health.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I wouldn’t have to relocate every six years. I could stay in one city throughout my childhood and make friends.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
I would age ten times more slowly than everyone else.
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
This question is meaningless to me. No matter what I thought I would answer at first, I knew I would end up asking.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I want to be a stripper and a brilliant writer. Why haven’t I done either? I can’t dance and I have a bad temper, so I clearly have no future as a stripper. And I’m not talented enough to make a living as a writer. I’d starve.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
n/a
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
The same sense of aesthetics, authenticity, and shared experiences.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
Childhood.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
Childhood.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Yes. I would quit my job immediately, travel with my parents for three months, then go home and live quietly. I would write as much as possible and leave my parents some traces of me. Because the life I’m living now isn’t the life I want. I’m deeply unhappy, and I’m living it reluctantly.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Family chosen by both fate and me.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
The main driver in my life.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
I’m very close to my mom, but not close to my dad. I can’t really make that comparison. I think it’s meaningless and unreliable. I don’t know how happy other people’s childhoods were, and I don’t even know whether my happiness and theirs can be measured in the same units. But I was very happy.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
She is my anchor in the world. If I lost her and didn’t have children of my own, I could die at any time.
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
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We’re in the living room, feeling happy and peaceful, eating together with Breaking Bad playing on TV. You put your feet on my lap while I gnaw on ribs and give you a foot massage. We eat way too much. After dinner, I wash some fruit, and we curl up together on the couch, eating fruit and watching TV.
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We will go to the mall together. Everything looks good on me, and everything looks good on you too. We try on a bunch of clothes but don’t really want to buy anything. In the end, we buy a matching outfit, and then each of us buys one thing the other thinks looks best on us before we go home.
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We travel together and get into a small fight. Neither of us wants to talk. You walk ahead of me without holding my hand. I feel sad and want to cry. But then a car comes, and you pull me back from the edge of the road. I take your hand, you pat my head, and we make up.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
I wish I had someone with whom I could share everything.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
Anything they need to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
In front of someone else: June 2. By myself: just now.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
I don’t think anything is. Everything can be joked about.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Almost nothing. I think I’ve told all the people who matter to me who I really am and how I feel about them. I trust that they got it.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Something my friends, parents, or partner gave me.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
My mom. We love each other unconditionally, and she is my anchor in the world.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.